Over the last year or two, there have been stories about people getting 'revenge' on what are called Porch Pirates, people who steal delivery packages from people's porches.  According to  numerous sources, including Pemco Insurance, authorities are calling this new breed of thieves  'Porch Pirates.'

Some enterprising people in Utah, California and other states have put rocks, garbage, even dog poop in official looking boxes, and deliberately leaving them in plain sight on their porch.  This was done especially after they or their neighbors, had delivery boxes stolen.

With the explosion of online shopping, police say the last few years Porch Pirates are becoming a real problem.  People who follow delivery trucks, or track neighborhoods, and steal packages when people aren't there to take them inside. There have been numerous instances of this happening here in the Mid-Columbia.

One California couple, says the Daily Mail Newspaper, left an Amazon.com box on their porch completely loaded with several pounds of dog crap. They did it to teach a certain thief a lesson.  Their video surveillance system didn't capture a good view of a Porch Pirate's face, and they suspected he would return because he'd repeatedly hit several other homes in the neighborhood.

According to sources, after the poop package disappeared, they and the neighbors said the thefts stopped. Hmmm.

Suggested items to put inside one of these poop packages?

  • Dog poop.  Nothing makes people gag like the whiff of doggie deposits!
  • Moldy, slimy garbage.  Especially rotten Thanksgiving garbage
  • A rock with a note saying "gotcha!"  or any other sentiment you wish to express
  • A box of week-old dirty diapers. Soiled with #2.

Some enterprising, and perhaps vicious people, have even created clever spring-loaded packages that are designed to pop open, spraying the contents everywhere, including on the unsuspecting Porch Pirate. We kind of like that option. These people often disguise the contents with bubble wrap, or a cardboard layer, much like real packing. Then, the surprise!

But seriously, if this has been a problem in your neighborhood, load up those disgusting boxes with whatever you can think of. And use old UPS, Amazon, Fed Ex or other official packing methods and carefully retape to look new. Then sit back and hope the Porch Pirates pick them up.  We're pretty sure they learn a lesson, especially with spring-loaded packages full of poop!